


black sheep

by GhoulyGirly



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Character Study, Concubine wars, Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Murder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27841168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhoulyGirly/pseuds/GhoulyGirly
Summary: There were some things Xander could never quite understand about his siblings… Or at least about Camilla.
Kudos: 12





	black sheep

There were some things Xander could never quite understand about his siblings… Or at least about Camilla.

Some of this was due to his personality—his stubborn, uncompromising, narrow-minded (loyal, good-willed and brave) personality, that could make it a struggle to reach agreements with him. Some of it was due to being the eldest, a position he was well-suited for. He did not choose it, but rather it chose him. 

However, most of these things were surface level. The fundamental differences between Xander and his siblings came from a much darker place—A history that could never quite be remedied, never quite understood. 

In the same vein, Camilla supposes Elise and Corrin would never understand, either. But it felt different when it came to them. With Xander, a part of her held a grudge against him for not being there, for not suffering as she did; a hint of resentment, even though he was as innocent as Elise was, perhaps even more innocent than Camilla. 

It was not difficult to be more innocent than Camilla. 

*  
*  
*

Camilla was four when she first asked her mother why her father had so many wives. Later, she would realize they were not in fact wives, but using that descriptor was the easiest way for her young brain to comprehend the dynamic.

Without any malice, but still void of earnestness, her mother responded, “The reason why your father is such a benevolent ruler is because of his heart. It is large enough to spread his love across the entire kingdom. He has so much love to share, that he is not confined to loving just one woman. Do you understand?”

Camilla thought she understood, but inevitably she would realize it was in fact all a euphemism, and that sex was the true driving force behind everything, not love. At the time, though, she found the idea wonderful. She decided she wanted to grow up similar, as someone with a large heart that produced infinite love for everyone.

If her heart had stayed pure and unbruised, Camilla thinks she might have been able to. But all hearts are eventually broken, and hers was no exception.

*  
*  
*

She had become acquainted with the idea of Xander before she ever formally met him.

All of the concubines—including her own mother—discussed him. Constantly. It was the odd sort of admiration that was produced entirely from envy and held no sincerity. As Camilla aged, she would come to understand the words of praise were always said too sweet—subtle enough to not be overboard or suspicious, but simultaneously said in a way which would communicate to the other mothers that Xander was just another obstacle. For their respective children, all it did was place impossible expectations on them. 

Eager to meet her mother’s standards, Camilla herself became jealous of Xander. She competed with her half-siblings in hopes to gain Garon’s attention, just like she had been prepared to do. Just like she was taught. 

*  
*  
*

When she finally met Xander, at the tender age of seven, she was blindsided by how underwhelming the experience was. He had been built up as some kind of mythical figure, but he was just another half-sibling, another boy. A naive boy, at that.

Camilla still hadn’t come to terms with all of the evils that permeated the concubines’ sphere, had not yet come to think of it as a war, but even then she knew there was a darkness lurking, that things were not always as they presented themselves. But Xander was blissfully unaware of anything and everything around him, even the occurrences in his daily life. He was not dumb by any means, but perhaps _too_ optimistic, blindly so. 

It was then she had her first taste of disappointment. It was then she came to realize some people could be better utilized as concepts than as living, breathing entities. 

(She would retract this statement later; at least when it came to Xander.)

*  
*  
*


End file.
